Stephanie’s Solace

So it finally happened today. I have been struggling for the last couple of month with feeling very tired and dragging. The doctor found out what was wrong and surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, October 23. I have been holding things together pretty well on the outside but inside a battle was/is going on in my head. I know the truth but the fear of the unknown and the ugly “what if’s” were getting the best of me.

I needed to go and get some lab (blood) work done for my pre-op appointment next week and went today at lunch. Everything was going well the phlebotomist (vampire as I kindly like to call them in my head) got all the tubes and equipment together neatly set out and ready to go to work. Note: I have no veins so they have to do the blood draws out of my hand. The poke went fine and she got the first syringe filled, pinched it off, so she could change syringes and then tried to pull out more blood but… the vein was small and collapsed. So out came that needle and she taped it up and off to the other hand we went. The second had did better but this is when I lost it the blood was coming out of my hand and the tears were coming out of my eyes. I have these moments when I get so tired of being poked, cut, and “not normal” that all I can do is cry because life is not fair. The poor vampire was so apologetic. She tried to comfort me and have me think about “happy thoughts”. Her last statement to me was I am sorry for hurting you and hope you have a nice Birthday. I just smiled and left.
After this was over, I went back to work with both hands rapped up and found comfort when I went to talk to the VP of administration. She first thought I had burned both of my hands. lol But after I explained what was going on in my life at this time, she was the one who could comfort me. She had gone through the surgery that I will be having in a couple of weeks and she said that after I have the D&C I will feel so much better and have more energy. I had thought about how God graciously gave me comfort through her. I also received comfort this morning after BSF leaders meeting as we are studying in Matthew about how Christ is our High Priest who knows exactly what we are going through because He chose to come from heaven and live a human life so He could sympathize with our pain and temptations. Thank you Lord for providing me comfort today and allowing me to find something to be thankful for!